Prompt: What movie, poem, musical composition, or novel has most influenced your life and the way you see the world.
I thrust myself into a lot of beginnings, neglecting the truth that there will be an ending. I will have to say goodbye, to moments, people, myself. There is always a last to everything, and lasts scare me, the transition from present to past and realizing that you'll never feel that way again about something or someone in that moment, ever again. To relieve the fear, I draft goodbyes and last words in my head to possibly ensure the last moment has the perfect ending. "That didn’t happen, of course. Things never happen the way I imagine them". With constant practice in the "imperfect goodbyes" department I have become perfectly polished in saying the wrong things and wishing I had done something different. One day I opened the pages to a character I could relate to in ways I thought weren't even relatable, “It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things.” Miles Halter, from "Looking For Alaska" was the slightly more obnoxious, but less depressing version of myself but more importantly, his conquest for the perfectly beautiful last words, and I figured if he knew a lot about last words, I could get a few tips from him to help me improve me.
Soon after page one became a hundred and one, and Miles had fallen for the confident hot mess that was Alaska, I realized my flaws and vices had come to life in these characters and every doubt I had ever had about growing up had been illuminated through these characters. "When adults say, "teenagers think they are invincible" they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken." It was true, every person that has ever used, hurt, or wronged me, I forgave and forgot. I am the person to beats myself up the most, and I have always forgiven myself. Miles had the courage to say everything I buried away and ignored because I was too scared for the outcome " At some point you just have to pull off the bandaid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you are relieved."
If my life was a book, I would be Miles Halter #2, minus to the ditching class, drinking, and smoking pot. I always tried to please and impress everyone without even wondering if I was proud of myself and I was stuck in my "own labyrinth of suffering." He was the more fearless, impressive version of me that I had always wanted to be and I felt like I could be, as long as I stayed in the four corner pages of his world. "At some point we look up and realize we are all lost in a maze." I was so dedicated and fixated on impressing people with my perfect moments, because I was too scared to just live the moment placed right in front of me. And I lost out on some really great times. "Entropy increases. Things fall apart." I thought Miles was my teacher and I was going to find the perfect words through his own, but really the things that stood out to me about Miles, I already knew about myself.
I strived so far for the perfect words to say to someone. But when the ending of Miles's story came around, I finally began to understand that the perfect moment doesn't come in the words, the perfect words come in the moment. His life didn't go the way he imagined it, he lost someone very important to him and he didn't get any last or perfect words with them either. But he had something better, he had all the words in between, and in losses, no one is going to remember how you felt or what you said in the last couple seconds. You can't be scared of the endings just because they may not be perfect, "scared isn't a good excuse. Scared is just an excuse everyone has always used." And although I still poke and prod my brain for the right words, I have come to accept the fact that they can't possible account for all the right, good, great words I said without even thinking twice. Miles Halter's last words were, "Thomas Edison's last words were," It's very beautiful over there". I don't know where these is, but I hope it's beautiful." I'm no longer in search for the perfect endings, just enjoying the middle because that's all you will have and even if it's time for last words and endings. So I'm not going to scrounge my mind for the perfect words, maybe, I don't even have them yet, but one day, it would be nice to end beautifully.
Soon after page one became a hundred and one, and Miles had fallen for the confident hot mess that was Alaska, I realized my flaws and vices had come to life in these characters and every doubt I had ever had about growing up had been illuminated through these characters. "When adults say, "teenagers think they are invincible" they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken." It was true, every person that has ever used, hurt, or wronged me, I forgave and forgot. I am the person to beats myself up the most, and I have always forgiven myself. Miles had the courage to say everything I buried away and ignored because I was too scared for the outcome " At some point you just have to pull off the bandaid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you are relieved."
If my life was a book, I would be Miles Halter #2, minus to the ditching class, drinking, and smoking pot. I always tried to please and impress everyone without even wondering if I was proud of myself and I was stuck in my "own labyrinth of suffering." He was the more fearless, impressive version of me that I had always wanted to be and I felt like I could be, as long as I stayed in the four corner pages of his world. "At some point we look up and realize we are all lost in a maze." I was so dedicated and fixated on impressing people with my perfect moments, because I was too scared to just live the moment placed right in front of me. And I lost out on some really great times. "Entropy increases. Things fall apart." I thought Miles was my teacher and I was going to find the perfect words through his own, but really the things that stood out to me about Miles, I already knew about myself.
I strived so far for the perfect words to say to someone. But when the ending of Miles's story came around, I finally began to understand that the perfect moment doesn't come in the words, the perfect words come in the moment. His life didn't go the way he imagined it, he lost someone very important to him and he didn't get any last or perfect words with them either. But he had something better, he had all the words in between, and in losses, no one is going to remember how you felt or what you said in the last couple seconds. You can't be scared of the endings just because they may not be perfect, "scared isn't a good excuse. Scared is just an excuse everyone has always used." And although I still poke and prod my brain for the right words, I have come to accept the fact that they can't possible account for all the right, good, great words I said without even thinking twice. Miles Halter's last words were, "Thomas Edison's last words were," It's very beautiful over there". I don't know where these is, but I hope it's beautiful." I'm no longer in search for the perfect endings, just enjoying the middle because that's all you will have and even if it's time for last words and endings. So I'm not going to scrounge my mind for the perfect words, maybe, I don't even have them yet, but one day, it would be nice to end beautifully.
In your essay you really went personal and described your feelings which is great, you let the reader know how you felt and your perspectives. I don't really have anything to big to critique you on, just maybe fixing your grammar by switching certain words around to improve the flow and adding some comas to create appropriate pauses. Good job
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